Vita Semplice

suz11190 @ 2008-04-30T22:26:00

2008-05-01T02:40:55Z

I haven't posted an entry in here in so long...I never give myself time anymore to do anything which is really something I need to do...I need to make time for myself more and stop worrying about other people so much. I guess I'm just a very caring person that I tend to put other people's needs before mine but I know that I need to focus on myself right now. I'm graduating school and I just took my last final today...I can't believe I'm done...it's crazy! How does time fly by so fast? I don't know how but it certainly did and I'm just happy to be done with STAC and moving on to bigger and better things (at least I hope so). Parents are pressuring me to get a job and start paying my own bills...I mean I am 22 years old and I know that I have to start living responsibly...but its not like I sit home all day...I have 2 jobs. I am actually quitting the daycare because I can't stand it anymore...that place drives me crazy. The women are insane and they just cause so much drama and whine and bitch all the time that I'm just getting sick of the gossip and nastiness that goes around that place. Enough is enough and I want out! I am looking to get an entry level job in a therapist's office...that's what I really wanna do right now since my career goal is to become a therapist so it would be nice to experience in the work field. I just need something that will show that I am interested in therapy/psychology or mental health...etc. One day I will fulfill my goals but I can't do everything at once. I know that I want to invest my money in real estate one day but I'm still young so that's not really of big importance to me right now..although saving money is so I have to really save most of my paychecks and stop spending it on dumb shit. The single life is treating me nicely right now...I'm happy to be single but there's always gonna be that sense of loneliness. I don't wanna be negative all the time...I just wanna be happy with myself first before I find anybody to be with cuz that's really what's important to me. There's one person that I care for deeply but I just don't think that he has those same feelings for me and I don't know what to think because we never talk about it...it's like the big elephant in the room that is just being compeltely ignored. I wish somebody would fucking acknowledge it! It's frustrating...it just brings a lot of shit that I don't wanna deal with....I don't wanna get into it...I just wanna think about my career life right now and summer is almost here! I am so looking forward to hot weather and margaritas by the pool...ahhhh I love it....alright well its bed time for me...long day ahead of me...

A year later...

2007-08-01T19:45:38Z

Another year goes by and I haven't even logged into this thing...! A lot has happened...don't know where to start...or should I even start? I guess it's just too complicated to just type it out...basically, my year was an emotional roller coaster! Got one more semester of college left...kinda scares me cuz I really just don't know what I want to do...I mean I have an idea but who knows...I may not like it and change my mind...it's not easy trying to figure out your future...that one decision is going to affect me for the rest of my life so I better make a good choice. The guy I was technically seeing for the past 2 years pretty much ended things with me in April to be with another girl...and that literally crushed me. But deep down inside I knew it was going to happen sooner or later and I was sort of prepared for it so it didn't hit me right away until months later when I realized that he loves this girl and he never truly wanted to be with me. I feel like he just kept me on the side until he found someone else and I told him that. He says it may have looked that way but that's not what he intended to do and I didn't believe him. I see things for what they are now and before I was blinded by love and I never got to tell him how I truly felt about him. I was too scared to be rejected the way he rejected the other girls. Why would I want to go through that humiliation/hurt? So I kept it to myself these past years and in the end, it was better that I did because he was going to hurt me anyway. I still think about him just as much as I used to and I haven't found anybody else who got my mind off of him. Will I ever find someone else? Am I just too picky or am I still hung up over this guy? I don't know what it is but hopefully the future has something positive in store for me. I am looking forward to what the future holds.

suz11190 @ 2006-06-07T20:08:00

2006-06-08T01:15:08Z

Wow I haven't updated in sooooo long!! Ok well I'm back...yeah so things have been going pretty well...I'm so happy its summer...I'm hoping that I get that nursery job...don't know yet but I've been babysitting so at least I'm getting some money in. I went to see the break-up last night..really good movie although the ending was a little disappointing! Things are looking good with family...finally...my parents are getting along more and it seems like they're working things out...so we'll see...I'm so happy about the pool this summer!! I can't wait to go swimming finally...alright that's it for now...it was a pretty lame update but I need to get going anyway...I'm going to chill with Dawn at her school cuz I'm bored and also because I love her! hehe

couldn't drag me away...

2006-01-18T04:20:38Z

I love Dawn for understanding my insanity...lol just had to bring that up! ...ok this winter break has been kinda slow...boring...but I like that I caught up on a lot of sleep during the day lol and stayed up late most of the time. I feel like a kid again even though I'm 20 and I'm going back to school in a week...things have been going pretty well with this guy lately...I hope it gets better as things progress...I like him a lot...when he doesn't call, I get upset and I'm too scared to call him...sometimes I feel like I am pushing him away...maybe I'm trying too hard...I don't know...everything's a bit confusing with us...only we can understand it though...I have such a headache...I am going to bed so I can get up early

suz11190 @ 2005-10-26T23:15:00

2005-10-27T03:25:02Z

Wow it's been a long ass time since I have updated! I was reading some of my old posts and I must say I was pretty pessimistic about things...seems like all I could think about was the shittiness in my life...I have to say though that this past summer up till now has been pretty good...and I'm learning to appreciate a lot of things I have..I met some new people, discovered new places, and found out more about myself...right now I'm just concentrating on school and babysitting...I love babysitting the kids, they're so much fun...and halloween's coming up so we were being creative today and drawing monsters and pumpkins...it was really cute. I told Jill that I could do friday nights for her so she can go out to dinner with John...she was so happy that I offered to do that because she is able to have some free time with her husband...I felt really good about helping her out with that...it's nice to give to people who deserve it...she's the nicest, most caring, and generous person I have ever met...she's such a great mother...she's like my role model for me as a future mother. I'm so glad I met the family...anyway...halloween weekend is coming up. I have no clue what's going on as to parties and costumes and such...I tend to procrastinate a lot...I never have anything planned out! I am trying to work on that...lol. Ok I'm gonna do some school work and hit the sac...

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Rainy day

2005-07-08T17:37:02Z

So it's friday...and I'm sitting here with nothing to do...I don't have to babysit fridays but next week I plan on going back to best friends...I've been pretty lazy this summer...guess I just feel like having time to myself and not worrying about getting up in the morning to go to a job which I don't particularly like...I mean yeah I love best friends, but the damn managers there can be such a pain in the ass and they make me feel like a piece of shit..and I don't like feeling that way especially with the stuff that's going on with my parents right now...which I don't want to get into since I'm not gonna talk about it openly...even though it helps sometimes to talk but I think it's best to just leave it where it is right now...until I know for sure what is going to happen between them. Sometimes talking about stuff can lead to confusion and misunderstandings and people such as lina...have big mouths and this whole situation getting around should be none of their business..since they like to give their opinions about it and try to butt into our lives and control everything my dad does. Blah...this stupid weather is getting me down and making me think about all this...I need to keep myself occupied...I plan on going on another date tonight..it's someone from my college. Not sure what we're doing yet...maybe we'll see fantastic four...I hope that this weekend is nice...maybe me and dawn can go to the beach again...there are so many things on our top ten summer list to do that we don't know where to start!

suz11190 @ 2005-06-20T11:03:00

2005-06-20T15:11:42Z

Just found out that the guy I was seeing rejected me because he got into a relationship with some other girl...how fucked up is that? we were dating...and then he's like "oh I think you're too old for me...I can't handle this age difference" and I was just like what? you didn't have a problem with it before so then I knew it was something else...and then I just looked at his myspace and he said he's in a relationship...this is not the first time has happened...other guys have rejected me for the same reason...cuz they find some other girl and that totally hurts me...I just don't get how someone can do that? whatever...I'm sick of guys I really am...it's always the same story, they either find another girl...are too afraid to commit and just wanna hook up...or they're just players...and it's tearing me up inside cuz I always think I find the "one" and it never works out...I'm just gonna move on...and just hang out with my friends...and be single...cuz that's how it's gonna be I guess. Then I found out my mom's being weird again...I've always had my suspicions with her and I know something's up...I think she's seeing somebody...and it kinda sux cuz my dad isn't seeing that woman anymore and I was hoping that maybe they'd wanna work things out with each other but they're both being stubborn and don't wanna at least try to make us a normal family again. I always have these intuitions about stuff and I'm always right...I always get that gut feeling that something's wrong...with a guy, a friend, family...and I've never turned out to be wrong...it's scary cuz I feel like it's a psychic thing...which reminds me I'm gonna go see a psychic because I really believe in that stuff...I know its cheesy but from what I've heard, it seems true and I wanna find out for myself what it's all about...so maybe I can have a guide to what my future will be like because the way I'm looking at it, it's not gonna be good :( Life is so difficult...I'm always going through these obstacles and I know I'll find a way to get myself up again but I hate the time in between...ugh please God help me :(

suz11190 @ 2005-05-24T23:04:00

2005-05-25T04:08:48Z

Went to the diner with Dawn as usual for our daily cup of coffee...more like our daily 5th cup of coffee! Yes I'm a caffeine addict but so is Dawn so I'm not alone :) Anyway...what else is new? Last weekend...we went on a scavenger hunt and of course we ended up last place cuz we suck! lol but hey its ok cuz it was my first time doing it but next time we'll win...I'll make sure of it. Blah just came home and my room is a disaster..clothes are out of place and shoes are piled up in the closet...I might have to do a 5th spring cleaning this month! I just want everything to be ready for summer so I can fit more clothes cuz I know most of my paychecks will be going towards a new wardrobe...plus its gym season so I plan on getting lean and mean for the beach :-D Well its off to bed I go! night night

suz11190 @ 2005-05-16T12:57:00

2005-05-16T17:03:58Z

Currently naked because I just got out of the shower...lol anywayz...I've been in a better mood lately..hung out with dawn and the sharper crew this weekend...which was very nice! and then we went to a party friday night..and went back sat. night...I really like Nate and his friends! They're so nice and so much fun...overall the weekend was good...I stayed up till 5 am both nights so I didn't get much sleep but hey it was worth it. What else is new? not too much...just same stuff...working out is a drag but after I'm done, I feel better about myself...dieting I think is the hardest thing to do but I want to get back down to the weight I was before cuz I can't fit into the clothes I fit into last year which is making me a little depressed. Anywayz...I heard some good news about dawn and I'm very happy for her...if you're reading this...go you and patience = success hehe :) I can't wait till we go to vermont and accomplish everything on our top 10 list! :)

suz11190 @ 2005-05-13T11:11:00

2005-05-13T16:25:52Z

It's been awhile since I updated...I'm sorry I neglected you! lol...well I've been neglecting a lot of things lately...my heart's just not in the right place right now...a lot of things have been happening all at once and it's too much to deal with! My whole family situation is killing me inside and I feel like I have no one to talk to about it...I mean I hate bothering people about my problems sometimes because I feel like they have their own and I don't want to impose on them with my own shit...So it's getting harder for me to sleep at night...and the only way I found peace last night was crying myself to sleep...I need to see someone because I can't keep living like this...I mean my head was spinning with crazy thoughts and my heart was pounding and I felt like I was losing air...and it seems like all around me there's happiness...and I have to admit I get jealous...is it so wrong of me to be jealous of my own friends? It's something I can't control especially when I've been so unlucky in the past...I mean my first real boyfriend was a complete jerk! and I couldn't even realize it because I was so caught up in the moment of having someone that wanted to call me his girlfriend...I lost my friends...I lost trust from my family...everybody hated him..and one day I finally let that go and everything got back to normal again...I felt free and it was so nice to live the single life...but living that life for so long...it just gets really lonely...I've stopped searching...I mean I can't believe I've been single for so long...am I really that unattractive? what is it about me that makes guys that I like, run away...am I too aggressive? am I too nice? I just wanna know! I just wanna know so I can have a peace of mind...it seems like everytime I put my thoughts down in this journal...its the same thing over and over again...why can't I meet someone...my parents this...my parents that...ugh, I don't think anything's gonna get better ever...yes I'm pretty pessimistic about things but how can I be optimistic when I'm never truly happy

suz11190 @ 2005-04-28T09:48:00

2005-04-28T13:53:08Z

I haven't update in awhile...hmm let's see not much going on except for family shit...nothing new with guys, no dates or anything...I have been staying away from that and I think that has helped me in the end since it never works out anyway. School is almost over! I can't believe it...one more week left and I'm done...I really don't have anything to worry about right now except for tests and stuff like that so essays are pretty much done Thank God! Anyway...I've been thinking about plans for the summer and I already came up with a list...the challenge is if me and my friends can actually do all that stuff. A lot of it has to do with visiting people. Well I'm gonna get dressed and I'm gonna get coffee :) I have been slacking off with the gym routines...oh well lol I'll go after class.

week from hell

2005-04-01T03:11:12Z

Finally updating after awhile...too much to say...but nothing will ever be the same from now on...it's sad cuz I wish I could do something to fix everything but I can't...its a painful situation...family shit I think is the worst because you have to live at home and deal with it...that's why sometimes I wish I was living in my own place...but I'll have to wait for a few years for that. I'm just trying to look at the positive side of things now but it's hard to...I mean the whole guy situation is going all the well...well there's one guy that I like and I hope that it works out...just have to wait and see...but I've grown so impatient with that kind of stuff because I've been waiting for so long just to find someone to care about and to be cared for in return. I mean I can't really turn to anyone...I do have my friends and stuff but it would be so nice to just cuddle with somebody or to cry on a guy's shoulder...School has been pretty annoying...I've been trying so hard to concentrate and I can't...I just don't wanna think about papers and tests...I have too much shit going on emotionally to deal with petty stuff like that...well the weekend is here so at least I can go to the gym, get some rest, and focus on myself a little bit...maybe get drunk with people hehe :)

suz11190 @ 2005-03-03T12:15:00

2005-03-03T17:24:29Z

All I have to say is...BOO SCHOOL! lol jk I'm supposed to be reading for my english class right now but it's 12:15 and my class is at 1 so I really don't think I have the time so here I am BSing on my lj again :) not sure what to say...but a lot has been going on these past few weeks...a lot of dating boys...I really like one but the one I always like is a challenge...grr...not sure what's up with the weekend...might go on another date, I'm such a dating whore! I hope I can see the sharper crew this weekend...and of course dawny...oh man I keep forgetting about how much work I have to do...maybe I'll work on it today and tomorrow...I have a synthesis paper for my group project due tues. and a take home test due tues. too...oh and also my case study notes (which take so long) due thurs. ...ALL FOR THIS ONE CLASS! Oh and I can't forget about the philosophy test monday...! I can't wait till spring break...I think mom may be going to visit grandpa in italy who's sick :( I feel bad for her...she's really upset...it sux cuz when he passes away, nothing will ever be the same :( He's such a great grandpa...I wish I could go visit him...:( I hope he stays with us a little bit longer...! I wanna be able to see him during the summer...alright I'm gonna go to class and try hard not to day dream!

blah..

2005-02-27T15:24:49Z

I feel kinda bad right now...ryan called last night...I wasn't expecting that at all...but like he can't expect me to just jump back into talkin to him again...I've been dating other guys and I don't know what's goin on with that right now...it's weird cuz like I got over him and now that he came back I'm just like...why...I don't know I have all these thoughts running through my mind right now...too many guys lol...I really like kc..and I really like brian grr what is a girl to do lol...but you know I know that nothing's going to happen with either one of them...I just have that feeling with all the shit I've been through, it's just not going to work out at all. Oh well...maybe I should stop concentrating on trying to find a guy...anyway today I have nothing to do...lol maybe I'll do some homework...haha yeah right.

President's day

2005-02-22T01:58:36Z

A president's day well spent, I must say...got up at 8...checked to see if school was cancelled cuz of the snow and I wasn't too sure so I just went back to bed cuz I didn't feel like going to my morning class anyway since it was snowing and I had gone to bed at like 2 in the morning...but then I found out later that morning classes were cancelled anyway so that made me feel better! :) Then I went to my 230 and took a test...I think I did ok...maybe B range something around there...The weekened was pretty good...hung out with vic, dan and dawn...got much dessert in my tummy over these few days...brownies, chocolate, ice cream...you name it :-D Anywayz time to get back to my studious activites :( grr

suz11190 @ 2005-02-16T09:05:00

2005-02-16T14:24:08Z

All my life...I have been hurt...constantly...by family, friends, and guys...and I just can't take it anymore...nothing ever seems to go my way...I mean I try and look at the positive things and to me, they're so little compared to what I really want in life...I just wanna be happy...I'm thinking back and I've found that there was never a really good day in my life where I felt complete...even when I did have a long term relationship...it didn't feel right...he was a complete asshole who treated me like shit...and everybody saw that except for me...but I got over that...and then recently I had a bf for like a month and I was happy...for a little while until everything got screwed up...but even then I didn't trust it...I just can't trust anybody anymore...I found out that Ryan is talking to another girl...of course the one time that I find myself almost trusting somebody, it goes wrong again...I can't take it anymore...how come everywhere around me I see happy couples...and I'm the only one who can't have that :( well I'm crying right now...again for the 100th time this year...over the same BS :(

suz11190 @ 2005-02-12T17:41:00

2005-02-12T22:54:09Z

So tired...just got back from being out with mom...I'm a little upset right now because I've been in one of those moods where I've just been thinking a lot about everything...like my life...and my plans for the future...and what lies ahead for my parents...I don't know it's weird cuz I actually do care if something happens...My mom is definitely not the same with my dad anymore...it's like getting to the point where she's totally fed up with him and like she's always talking about saving up her money from her new job and being independent...it scares me ...I always thought of my mom as this innocent person who would do anything for her family but ever since that whole fiasco with her last year...I've realized that she's not the person I thought she was at all and it makes me just wanna break down and cry :( Little things that she does makes me wonder what's goin on with her? But she would never confide in me because she knows that I would be pissed off....like what is she thinking? what goes on in her head? does she wanna leave my dad? well all I know is that if they do get a divorce...I don't think I'm gonna talk to my mother ever again...I feel like it would be her fault because ever since that person came into her life last year, she decided that she was gonna be a different person...and I hate her because of that. She puts her trust into everyone she meets immediately and she lets them influence her...Ugh...I promised myself I wouldn't let this get to me but it does...I'm the kind of person who thinks about everyone else...I need to make sure that my family is ok before I am...I need that security...but unforutnately I don't have it and I think that's mostly why I'm unhappy in my life right now...Well I gotta try my best to move forward and look for the happiness that I deserve...I have to realize that I'm not gonna have my mother with me all my life...It's weird because I'm not ready to let go but she is...:(
I hung out with ryan last night..he's such a sweet guy I'm just not as attracted to him as I wanna be...I don't know...I'm not that picky...I really am not...I mean I've dated a lot of guys and I liked them all but it just didn't work out...and the one time that it can be something more, I'm not attracted to the guy...why! grr...But you know I'll give it a chance because I really do like his personality...I'm just gonna take things slow for now...I don't wanna get hurt again :(

Blah school

2005-02-09T00:41:19Z

Just finished writing up a paper in about an hour...I hate writing papers...:( Now I'm sitting here recooperating from the process of too much analyzing and thinking...Drinking some green tea yummy :) Went to go observe 1st graders at evans park...they're so cute...I probably wanna teacher 1st or 2nd def. Anyway I am gonna do some ab workouts...tomorrow I'm gonna try and get myself to join a gym for a month because the gym that I joined doesn't open till april so I have to wait...grr I gotta get back to doing school work and stuff...yay so much fun! Hopefully this weekend I will get to see Ryan...:) Can't wait till friday! Hopefully valentine's day this year won't be that bad :-\

suz11190 @ 2005-02-06T22:03:00

2005-02-07T03:27:20Z

OH man what a boring weekend I had lol...let's see friday night was ok...hung out with vic and his friend who is really nice...saturday was shitty didn't do much...and today I ate like a pig as usual :-D I'm kind of mad at myself cuz I promised myself I would stick to my diet and exercise regime and I never do lol but tomorrow I'm determined...summer is not too far away ...and I am not lieing when I say that I have flab on my hips, thighs, and stomach...I mean it's not a little flab it's a lot and it's more than what I had a few months ago! Definitely gained a lot of weight over winter break :( Tomorrow is time to go back to school...not too happy about that...I don't mind all my classes...just one pisses me off...well anyway I've been talking to ryan a lot he's really sweet and he really likes me...it's nice to have a guy who actually likes me again...I don't have to go through the crap of wanting someone who doesn't want me back...I'm not really expecting a lot out of it though we shall see what happens...

suz11190 @ 2005-02-02T12:15:00

2005-02-03T05:34:28Z

Had another date tonight...it went ok...I mean the guy is really sweet and all and our personalities pretty much click..but I'm not attracted to him and I'm sorry but attraction is a big thing for me....I'm not saying the guy has to be a model but I want him to be cute...oh well maybe this is why I don't ever have a bf because I'm too damn picky lol...but the guys that I do want turn out to be complete assholes so that's why nothing works out...I realize this yet I still complain about how I never have a bf...oh well let's see what did I do today...pretty much went to school and came home...was planning on doing my workout but that didn't happen cuz ryan came up here and we went to see hide and seek which was a pretty ok movie...well it's time for me to go to bed...gotta get up early and do my workout...I have to stop slacking off! I don't want a potbelly for summer....lol

Boring week...is over!

2005-01-28T16:48:01Z

I'm happy that it's friday...I have no classes today which is good :-D I have so much work ahead of me though...guess I have to start this weekend...:( I probably won't though...Let's see not too much happened this week...I went on a date with a guy from my school last night...It went ok..he's a nice guy just not really my type...plus he's shorter than me which kinda bothers me lol...I hate being tall :( I gotta go though got a dentist appointment for a cleaning...grr :(

suz11190 @ 2005-01-24T13:24:00

2005-01-24T18:35:04Z

ick I started classes today...definitely not looking forward to the readings, papers, and exmas but hey I gotta stop being so damn lazy...get up early in the morning, work out and study again...cuz last semester I was sitting on my ass doing nothing and sleeping in all the time lol...and then I keep complaining about how I gained weight! Anyway...I went and ordered my books today, and a workout video...so that's a start lol...I'm just really looking forward to the summer...I'm planning on getting a job at a daycare center or something with kids just so I could get the experience...omg class starts in an hour grr...I don't wanna go! I'm being all whiny and shit lol but I really just don't wanna go :( oh well just gotta tough it out...and Im back into this whole livejournal thing again :)

suz11190 @ 2005-01-23T21:03:00

2005-01-24T02:12:58Z

"Sometimes the last thing you want comes in first...Sometimes the first thing you want never comes...But I know that waiting is all you can do..." I definitely live by those lyrics...I'm in one of those blah moods again..wow I haven't posted a new journal in awhile...oh well here I am again...to talk about my sad and pathetic life...school starts again tomorrow...not looking forward to it at all...it's not really the work that gets to me...it's the people in the class...some of them are fake...some of them are shy and mysterious like me...and then some of them are so loud and obnoxious that you get to know their whole life story...sometimes I'm jealous...a lot of them have great social lives...and a boyfriend...something I'm missing in my life :-/ Yeah here I am again moping and complaining about not having that special someone...but it's something that I really want...to love and be loved...I mean I've never felt that before but I always dream about it and my desire for it keeps growing and growing...and watching sappy romance movies doesn't help...I mean I know that movies aren't real...but love is real...so why can't it happen to me...why do I have to meet assholes over and over again...it's unfair...I'm not a bad person...I don't deserve the treatment I've been getting...it always seems like the bad people get what they want...and the good people have to work hard for it...to the point where they want to give up...ok well time for me to get some sleep...have to get up early and face the new semester...:(

suz11190 @ 2004-12-16T11:11:00

2004-12-16T16:22:19Z

wow...I haven't updated in sooooo long! well I'm back finally...let's see...any good news? yeah finals are over...unfortunately there's more bad news than good. :( I've been dating a lot of guys...haven't found the right one yet...I thought I did...over and over again, lies after lies...nothing comes out of it and I'm sick of it...literally sick...I'm scared to death of getting hurt...my heart is not in one piece anymore and I'm really upset...I met this guy recently...and I just don't know what the hell is going on with him and I have to stop getting attached to one person...I'm living in a fantasy world where I think that I've finally found my prince but then he disappears...that's not supposed to happen...why do I see love all around me? but it's not inside me...it's like it's not supposed to exist in my life...I can't wait around any longer for it...I've been waiting too long and yeah I'm only 19 but I am so ready, and so there...physically and emotionally ready...but I don't see anyone who's ready for me...

suz11190 @ 2004-11-23T02:36:00

2004-11-23T07:42:08Z

I am sad...I was just gonna leave my entry like that but nah lol...anyway why must I go through this shit over and over again with guys? It's like nothing ever works out...yeah so he has a girlfriend...I only had eyes for him but unfortunately his eyes wandered elsewhere...He told me he wasn't ready for a relationship...so I realized that he didn't want to commit with me yet...I understand that but why with this girl? what the hell is so special about her? I mean I keep thinking that maybe one day he'll realize what he's missing out on but I don't know anymore...so I've decided to just move on and date other guys...I already have two I'm supposed to meet...we'll see what happens...seriously...it sux cuz like he was the one person that made me feel complete...I would hang out with him and I felt like I was just floating on a cloud...cheesy I know but it's so true...hopefully I'll find that again...and this week shall prove to be interesting...I have some devious plans in mind...nothing bad just seeking a little revenge :-D tehe!